The past few weeks have been a struggle. The struggle to keep balance within one's life, I think, is probably the greatest struggles many of us face. And I am no exception.
I have three attributes that make achieving balance in my life extremely difficult:
1. I like to study and read more than I like to sleep.
2. I like to please people, and the chief means by which I accomplish this is by spending time with them.
3. I like to challenge myself by setting impossible personal goals.
Now, the first and second attributes aren't so bad, until you throw the third one into the mix. And then you have a sleep-deprived, obsessive, working maniac who really just needs to stop doing everything she's doing and take a nap.
Just for 45 minutes.
But I don't have 45 minutes. I don't have 5 minutes. Because those impossible goals I set for myself dictate that I must use every single minute I have at my disposal obsessing over whatever I'm obsessing over.
This week it's a toss-up between my certification exams and the half-marathon I plan to run in the Fall. Both deadlines I have set are looming near, and I am not sure if I can finish either of them in time. So the time I don't spend running is spent cramming information into my brain so that I can vomit it back out onto a word processor. Meals are reduced to cups of coffee and bowls of cereal, when I'm not working at my job (because I have bills to pay, let's be real here). When I am at work I am mapping out my evening in my mind to make sure I maximize my study-time, or I block out thirty minutes when I get off to run a couple of miles.
So cereal for dinner it is.
I ate a lot of cereal this week. I averaged about 5-6 hours of sleep a night.
This is why balance is so important for someone like me. Because my life is constantly flip-flopping between weeks where everything works out - I am extremely productive, and I manage to sleep/eat
enough - and weeks where every waking moment is a desperate struggle to get something done, even if it is just the dishes.
I need balance. I need to find a happy medium for myself as I try to finish my exams and train for this Fall. I need to find time to have daily devotions, spend a healthy amount of time with my friends and family, and yes, eat and sleep. I don't have my life together, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will.
Sorry, guys, I am not the picture-perfect model of efficiency. My life is messy, crazy, and sometimes completely out of control.
BUT
This week I was able to have some of the best conversations I've ever had.
This week I was comforted and humbled through what I learned while studying.
This week I discovered just how much I can and should rely upon God for strength.
This week I discovered just how much Scripture-reading I could cram into ten minutes.
This week I discovered just how little of my time is actually my time (none of it), and just how beautiful and satisfying it is to give that time up for someone else.
I might not ever achieve balance in my life. I may not ever have that beautiful, put-together life all of us long for and Hollywood idolizes. I may never learn to completely give up studying for sleep.
But if I can see God's hand in the midst of the crazy messiness that is my life, then I will be content to carry on.
I have three attributes that make achieving balance in my life extremely difficult:
1. I like to study and read more than I like to sleep.
2. I like to please people, and the chief means by which I accomplish this is by spending time with them.
3. I like to challenge myself by setting impossible personal goals.
Now, the first and second attributes aren't so bad, until you throw the third one into the mix. And then you have a sleep-deprived, obsessive, working maniac who really just needs to stop doing everything she's doing and take a nap.
Just for 45 minutes.
But I don't have 45 minutes. I don't have 5 minutes. Because those impossible goals I set for myself dictate that I must use every single minute I have at my disposal obsessing over whatever I'm obsessing over.
This week it's a toss-up between my certification exams and the half-marathon I plan to run in the Fall. Both deadlines I have set are looming near, and I am not sure if I can finish either of them in time. So the time I don't spend running is spent cramming information into my brain so that I can vomit it back out onto a word processor. Meals are reduced to cups of coffee and bowls of cereal, when I'm not working at my job (because I have bills to pay, let's be real here). When I am at work I am mapping out my evening in my mind to make sure I maximize my study-time, or I block out thirty minutes when I get off to run a couple of miles.
So cereal for dinner it is.
I ate a lot of cereal this week. I averaged about 5-6 hours of sleep a night.
This is why balance is so important for someone like me. Because my life is constantly flip-flopping between weeks where everything works out - I am extremely productive, and I manage to sleep/eat
enough - and weeks where every waking moment is a desperate struggle to get something done, even if it is just the dishes.
I need balance. I need to find a happy medium for myself as I try to finish my exams and train for this Fall. I need to find time to have daily devotions, spend a healthy amount of time with my friends and family, and yes, eat and sleep. I don't have my life together, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will.
Sorry, guys, I am not the picture-perfect model of efficiency. My life is messy, crazy, and sometimes completely out of control.
BUT
This week I was able to have some of the best conversations I've ever had.
This week I was comforted and humbled through what I learned while studying.
This week I discovered just how much I can and should rely upon God for strength.
This week I discovered just how much Scripture-reading I could cram into ten minutes.
This week I discovered just how little of my time is actually my time (none of it), and just how beautiful and satisfying it is to give that time up for someone else.I might not ever achieve balance in my life. I may not ever have that beautiful, put-together life all of us long for and Hollywood idolizes. I may never learn to completely give up studying for sleep.
But if I can see God's hand in the midst of the crazy messiness that is my life, then I will be content to carry on.